Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in trout4's LiveJournal:

Saturday, May 27th, 2006
8:22 pm	hmmmm... I wonder I wonder if the people i like ever notice me or know that i like them. Sad to say but there are a few. Does that make me a slut or does that just mean i crush on people easy? Does it mean that i like anything that has a hyacinth or a trout? What is it about me that wont allow me to share myself with someone? I suspect that i just never learned to love others because i spent so much time learning to love myself. Then if that is true than, why do i long to share myself with someone who will understand if the rest of the world doesn't understand me? Why must relationships and this love that people talk of... why must they be so complicated? I wonder... perhaps if i should care for others or live alone? Living alone means no attachments and no pain but. it also means being lonely all the time and never being loved. Love, what does it mean anyway? Is just a feeling or a lifestyle? Is it some diluted version of continuous happiness or, is it another reason to cling to a person? Does one have to love to understand life? I have yet to really love someone and all of my crushes are far beyond my reach. Is that tied into the whole everyone searches for that which is unattainable or, am i just not asserting myself enough to be noticed by said target? All in all love is something that will always make me wonder.Hmmmmmmmm........... (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 6th, 2006
9:33 pm	FFA Spring Festival Hmmmmmm............ well that was an interesting event. Today I invited this person I like to the Spring festival for the Killingly FFA Chapter. I assumed that because, of this person's previous invitation to senior prom and the fact that this person knows that I like them, that is was to be almost like an informal date. I guess that I just can't read people well because of my reluctance to be social. I should have never assumed that this person liked me back, they never do. Anyway, the person never even pretended to notice me and flirted with their x. I was annoyed but, my first instinct was to find a quite place alone and think. Well that backfired because the person including my entire circle of friends didn't even notice that i was missing until my mom asked where the hell i had gotten to. I know that i have issues with expressing myself but I'm not one for randomly tackling someone or ruff housing with a complete stranger. Some of the kids there I had no idea who they were. To make a long strange story short, I guess i found out the hard way that this person really doesn't care for me in that way. Oh well, you win some you lose some but it stills angers my a little bit. So maybe I sound like a drama queen but if you were there and felt the same, you'd be depressed too. People are so hard to understand. Maybe I let my feelings blind me to the truth. Maybe I really knew the truth all along and didn't want to believe it. In any case sitting around bitching about it wont really help me any. No one person can ever love you truly when you can't open up. Life is confusing sometimes but, oh well i keep on going. (Comment on this)